Lately, I feel like if I do cut things out of my life, its making things easier. Whether its a person, or a mindset, or something in my daily routine, I'm feeling a whole lot better about life in general lately.
First it was a person. Someone who can't stand the fact that I don't want to move 5 hours away, or be with them for the long run. It isn't in my cards anymore. Their neediness, and emotional attachment isn't healthy for my life right now. No one should have to deal with someones emotional stress over wanting to be with you so badly, they would do anything. After typing that, it feels like I'm being selfish, or too good for that person. But that isn't it at all. I don't want to be with them. And it isn't that I don't want their friendship either, but it has to be one or the other. Friendship, or nothing.
Secondly, its a mindset. Knowing that life is what you make of it, is helping. I can't sit around and wait for things to happen. I have to make them happen. Luckily, I'm being given those opportunities on a daily basis. And its either work, relationships, friends, and family. I'm making decisions that make me happy, not others. I can't keep doing that to myself.
Knowing that I'm in control, is giving everything about me a boost. I feel happy for the first time in a long time. Years it seems.
So earlier today, I started thinking about the majority of my friends who have made life decisions, like get married, have children, move away from St. Louis, and so on. Are they doing these things because they have to, or because they want to?
Not even because they have to, more like are they supposed to? I'm 26, single, no children, I don't even own a home, and looking at others, I feel like I'm behind where I'm supposed to be. But am I? Not necessarily. I'm perfectly content with where my life is at the moment. Sure somedays I long for what others have, but I know I don't necessarily need what they have at the moment.
Do people just get married because you're supposed to? Most marriages end in divorce, and maybe I'm a bitter person because my parents marriage ended so badly, but I am not one to necessarily jump into a marriage unless I knew for sure that it was for the long run.
With that in mind, relationships seem to become different once they get to the married stage. I realized lately that my so called friends who have tied the knot are now more exclusive with their other married friends, and tend to leave us singles in the dark.
This isn't a complaint blog, more like a question as to why people do these things. I know its the "norm" for our culture, but I guarantee that people are happily single for their lives somewhere out there. I don't think I'll be single forever, but I know that right now,I am not ready to be tied down, married, and a possibility of children looming in the future.
Are we just settling down because we're supposed to?
So today I started thinking about how fortunate I am as of lately. I'm finally in a place in my life where I'm not totally longing for everything. Like friends, a family who supports me, a significant other, a job that I get the respect and motivation to do better things with my life, etc. And as I thought about why I wanted those things, I realized moreso that those things are standing right in front of me, and its time to start grasping them.
I have friends, I just need to start reaching out to them more often than just letting them slip away like I've done in the past. I'm putting myself out there, not a day goes by anymore that I sit at home all day, unless I'm going to work, and I'm totally head over heels in love with this fact.
As far as a relationship, well I'm not sure about this one at the moment. I have someone, who calls me his girlfriend, but yet its never been discussed what exactly we are. I'm totally head over heels for him. Yes, totally. I cannot get enough of him. Its like my best friend, along with some of the strongest attraction I have ever had for someone. Who else can I stay up til 4am with consistently, play video games, eat ice cream, watch movies, and totally be myself with? No one. I need that companionship, and I want what I have right now, for the long run.
My family is slowly coming along, and I'm happy to report things are finally getting into line and I'm lucky to have the family that I do have.
But the point of this blog was to ask a question. Has anyone felt like their life was going too well, and you stand back and get scared from it? I feel like thats where I stand right now. I know I haven't done anything to deserve bad things coming my way, but it almost seems like that is exactly what card I always get delt when things go too well in my life. I don't want any of this to fail, I want things to continue to go the way they should go for me. I'm making decisions that could affect me for the rest of my life, job, cars, relationships, all of it. And I am for once, ok with making those decisions. I want to be happy and I know I deserve it. Especially looking at my friends who are given what they deserve, happiness.
I'm glad to have found who I did. I hope that someday, we can be on somewhat the same page, and continue doing what we are doing. I miss him dearly today. Its the first day in almost 3 weeks I haven't seen him, but I do know that this is healthy for a relationship to blossom.
Mon, Aug. 20th, 2007, 03:41 pm
Long time lurker, first time poster in here. I have 3 tattoos currently, first one is almost 4 years old. I'm 22, and in st louis missouri. These are the first 3 of many more to come hopefully :)( Pictures under here :)Collapse )
Fri, Jul. 28th, 2006, 01:04 pm
Lets all think good thoughts for next weekend. If anyone else works in retail, you know why i'm saying this. *well certain states* Its tax free weekend. I'm sure many of you out there will have to deal with idiots all day long all weekend. I'm in missouri, and ours starts next Friday, and goes til Sunday at close. I'm so excited, i'm working 6am-6pm all three days. Thank goodness for retail.
Mon, Jan. 16th, 2006, 08:26 pm
does anyone know of a coach outlet in the st louis missouri area? i know theres a few in missouri, but they're all hours away from here.
Mon, Jan. 2nd, 2006, 02:57 pm
anyone tried or heard about the new L'oreal Hip glosses? High Intense Pigmented Glosses...lol
i saw them at target today for 7.99...i really want to try one but i'm not sure what color to get just yet. It'll take a few more times of walking by, picking them up, and putting them down before i finally get one. If anyone else has tried one, let me know! I'm so curious!
Name: SugarBaby Fairy Gloss in Wishy Washy
Found at: beauty.com
Smells like: sugary and sweet. i love this smell!
Taste: it tastes a bit like it smells, it really doesn't have much of a taste.
Goes on: shimmery, its a lighter pinky lavender color with slight tiny flecks of glitter
Texture: very smooth.
Applicator: round tip applicator
Repurchase? if i ever ran out of this one, definitely. its my new favorite so i can see it happening. i'm interested in the other colors now!
So this is for everyone who feels the need to read my livejournal. Well not so much read it, but regularly check up on it and notice that i've never quite written an entry yet, but i've had this thing for quite some time. I've realized that i'll just let go, and this is a place for my reflections, and my writings, and that no one is honestly going to say anything to me about this journal. Which is a great fear of mine. I hate the fact that i can write something so wonderful, but then never show it off out of fear of getting made fun of by someone in my life. But I am going to attemtp to slowly come over that fear. By making this post right here, today!